Tag Archives: courage

SerenDestiny #63: Got Confidence? How to Get It, Keep It, Give It

“Life is a series of reboots.” – Katie Couric

I’m looking forward to speaking at the California Womens Conference next week.

This event, held at the Long Beach Convention Center, has a 20 year track record of attracting up to 15,000 women in one day.

Two of my favorite moments include sitting next to Jane Goodall (UN Messenger of Peace) at lunch and experiencing her powerful aura of calm, confident strength. Following lunch, she was interviewed by Linda Ellerbee in a packed theater.

Linda, who believes, “Only dead fish swim with the stream all the time,” asked Jane, still going strong at age 78, “You travel hundreds of thousands of miles – more than 300 days – a year. What keeps you going?”

Jane told a wonderful story about how it’s the kids who keep her going – and who fuel her “Roots and Shoots” mission that grew from 16 teens asking her questions to more than 100 organizations around the world. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Goodall

Another memorable moment was Katie Couric’s honest keynote about what it’s like being a public person who is often the target of potshots.

Think about it. Katie has been a pioneer in many ways. First woman to become a solo female network nightly news anchor. First woman co-host of the opening ceremonies of the Olympic games. First person to have a colonoscopy filmed live on national TV.

Yet she has also been a target.

Unfortunately, as she points out in this September 9, 2012 cover article from Parade Magazine, “Our country has become vitriolic, where there is some kind of perverse pleasure in seeing people fail.”

http://www.parade.com/celebrity/celebrity-parade/2012/09/06-katie-couric-on-love-loss-new-talk-show.html

How does she keep going when it seems so many people enjoy tearing her down?

As Katie says, “Fame is not what drives me. What fuels me is feeling passion about something, then focusing on it and being good at it.”

What is something you feel passionate about? What keeps you focused on becoming and then staying good at it – when people are trying to tear you down?

Confidence is not being cocky. It is not believing you’re better than other people.

Neither is it belieiving other people are better than you. Neither is it giving other people the power to take away your power.

If you believe in what you’re doing – if you think your message, mission, passion and purpose matter – then it is your responsibility to STAY confident and not LET other people put you down and pull you off course.

It serves no one to let the nay-sayers keep you small.

As pointed out in my book “What’s Holding You Back? 30 Days to Having the Courage and Confidence To Do What You Want, Meet Whom You Want and Go Where You Want” … If you feel your life is like a see-saw; perhaps you’re depending on other people for your ups and downs.

http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Holding-You-Back-Confidence/dp/0312254407

Confidence is staying the course of your calling – even through, especially through – the ups and downs that come with finding and fulfilling your SerenDestiny.

If you’re going through a dark time, a time where your vision isn’t materializing and you’re wavering because you’re being put down by nay-sayers and not getting the results you want, need and deserve … DON’T QUIT; CONTINUE.

Say to yourself, “I have confidence this has value. I have confidence that, if I persevere, it will happen. I have confidence that what I’m doing will make a positive difference for others … and for me. I will not retreat; I will REBOOT.”

And, if you want an infusion of confidence; plan on attending this amazing California Womens Conference @CAWomensConf. Get tickets until Sep 15 for only $99 w/ my code: HORN http://t.co/qflV8Ret

You will benefit from hearing inspirational stories and insights of dozens of best-selling authors, international thought leaders, Fortune 100 executives and Inc. 500 entrepreneurs sharing their best practices on how to re-commit to your passion and purpose and scale your income and impact.

I will be speaking on THE EYEBROW TEST: How to Confidently and Compellingly Communicate Your Idea so Everyone Hearing it GETS it, WANTS it, and ACTS on it.

Hope to see you there. Consider it a day-long shot of confidence that will reboot your commitment to stay the course and turn your dreams into reality.

SerenDestiny® #55: How Do You Really Feel About Happiness?

I’ve heard some people are afraid of success; but it was a new concept to me that some people might also be afraid of happiness.

Really?

That was the startling premise of Dr. Brene’ Brown’s fascinating presentation at a recent Leadership Colloquium at NASA Goddard.

Brene’s TED talk on “The Power of Vulnerability” is one of the top ten most-downloaded TED videos.

After the first 10 minutes of her NASA presentation, it’s easy to understand why.

She’s disarmingly honest about her journey from being a left-brained researcher who only valued bottom-line facts to discovering the transcendent, whole-hearted, free-flowing love that comes from having children.

What she didn’t anticipate is the fear that comes from being a mom.

She describes how she used to stand in her kids’ rooms at night and watch them sleep … and weep.

Why?

She cherished them so much, she was afraid something would happen to them.

She knew this was illogical. They were perfectly healthy, perfectly fine. Yet there she was … miserable.

She started researching why the emotion of happiness seems to be irrevocably tied with fear.

Brene’ told a story that opened our eyes to how common this phenomenon is.

A family is driving to their grandparents’s house for Christmas. The parents are uptight because they’re running late.

The kids, sitting in the back seat, start singing Jingle Bells .

The parents realize how ridiculous they’re being and start singing Jingle Bells along with them.

At this point, Brene’ asked the audience, “And then what happened?”

Guess what the majority said??

“They get in a car accident.”

Is that what you thought?

Do you know what that means?

It means, deep down, you believe happiness is fleeting.

You think happiness is … too good to be true.

If things are going well, it’s only a matter of time before the other shoe drops and something goes wrong.

Arrgghh.

Say it ain’t so.

It gets worse.

In an effort to protect ourselves against the pain we feel when something goes wrong … we prepare ourselves for the heartbreak. We start imagining it so we won’t be blindsided when it happens.

That “failure forecasting” of course sets up a self-fulfilling prophecy which increases the likelihood of something going wrong because that’s what we’re focused on.

When something does go wrong, it proves us “right.” Our worst fears are realized and reinforced. We have even more reasons to worry which sets up an emotionally unhealthy spiral.

We don’t want to be caught off guard by grief so we don’t allow ourselves to enjoy joy. And our envisioning all the things that could go wrong ensure that more things do.

The good news is, we can change this default belief if we choose.

And we need to change this default belief if we want to find and fulfill our SerenDestiny®.

Because SerenDestiny® is leading a life where the light is on in our eyes because we’re doing what we love most and do best.

If, deep down, we’re afraid of loving life because we don’t want to achieve it only to lose it … we avoid it.

So, how do we change these destructive default beliefs?

Instead of steeling ourselves against what could go wrong … we steep ourselves in what’s going right.

We adopt a mantra of “Receive, receive, receive. Revel, revel, revel.”

We choose to appreciate and enjoy good times instead of anticipating they’ll quickly be followed by bad times.

We stop trying to predict or protect ourselves from a potentially hurtful future.

Next time the light is on in your eyes … instead of thinking, “This can’t last,” look around and tell yourself, “Imprint, imprint, imprint.”

Tell yourself, “I welcome this blessing. I savor it. I immerse myself in it.”

As H. L. Mencken said, “We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine.”

How about you? Somewhere along the line, did you learn to be suspicious of happiness lest it be taken away from you? If so, what consequences has that had on your ability to create a life you love?

What are you going to do to change that “too good to be true – waiting for the other shoe to drop mentality?”

What mantra are you going to adopt to welcome loving your life – instead of worrying it won’t last?

Many SerenDestineers have told me they agree with Meister Ekhart’s insight, “If the only prayer we ever said was, ‘Thank you,’ that would be enough.”

From now on, when you’re experiencing good fortune, don’t look a gift source in the mouth.

Simply look around, receive, revel and just say Thank you … and mean it.

Your thoughts, experiences and insights? Please share.

And be sure to check out Dr. Brene Brown’s website and blog. Her insights on how we can be whole-hearted (rather than going through life half-hearted so we don’t get hurt) are brilliant.

http://www.brenebrown.com/